In the Beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth over an unfathomably long period of time; and the Earth was round and not the center of the Universe.
And the Lord said, “Let there be light!” and gases gathered in one place and under immense weight and pressure created light.
God made small invisible creatures which cause disease.
Marrying your cousin is not a good thing.
Bad stuff is going to happen sometimes – I’m not always paying attention. If something good happens, you can assume it was me. Go ahead and give thanks.
You can ask for things, but you’re not always got to get them. This is called Tough Love.
I don’t care about sports.
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. This is an allegory. You don’t need flies.
Some people are going to look and act differently. It’s okay.
God so loved the world He gave his only begotten son and nobody got killed in His name.
Slavery is wrong. Period. No exceptions. No excuses. (You won’t find that in the original Bible).
The 10 commandments
#1 Be good to others who are good to you.
#2 Don’t be stupid.
#3 Don’t be a jerk, a jackass, a prick, a bastard or a tool.
#4 Take it easy at least one day a week.
#5 Thou shalt not be a sycophant. I don’t need my ass kissed. I know my limitations and feel good about myself.
#6 Honor thy son and daughter. Let them think for themselves. Give them enough love and respect to make them good people.
#7 Keep the planet clean because I created it so.
#8 Don’t eat anything that smells bad.
#9 Don’t lie unless you have to. Think white lies and that Anne Frank thing. Refer to #3.
#10 You don’t have to tithe. God doesn’t need money. Religion should not be an open-ended jobs program.
I’d end it with some tips about good hygiene and eating right.
And the Lord said, “Let there be light!” and gases gathered in one place and under immense weight and pressure created light.
God made small invisible creatures which cause disease.
Marrying your cousin is not a good thing.
Bad stuff is going to happen sometimes – I’m not always paying attention. If something good happens, you can assume it was me. Go ahead and give thanks.
You can ask for things, but you’re not always got to get them. This is called Tough Love.
I don’t care about sports.
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. This is an allegory. You don’t need flies.
Some people are going to look and act differently. It’s okay.
God so loved the world He gave his only begotten son and nobody got killed in His name.
Slavery is wrong. Period. No exceptions. No excuses. (You won’t find that in the original Bible).
The 10 commandments
#1 Be good to others who are good to you.
#2 Don’t be stupid.
#3 Don’t be a jerk, a jackass, a prick, a bastard or a tool.
#4 Take it easy at least one day a week.
#5 Thou shalt not be a sycophant. I don’t need my ass kissed. I know my limitations and feel good about myself.
#6 Honor thy son and daughter. Let them think for themselves. Give them enough love and respect to make them good people.
#7 Keep the planet clean because I created it so.
#8 Don’t eat anything that smells bad.
#9 Don’t lie unless you have to. Think white lies and that Anne Frank thing. Refer to #3.
#10 You don’t have to tithe. God doesn’t need money. Religion should not be an open-ended jobs program.
I’d end it with some tips about good hygiene and eating right.